GOOD INSIDE

I recently took a Parenting Class and we read the book Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy. This was one of the most eye opening classes I have ever taken. The book is based on the idea that we are all good inside at our core. As I read this book it turned out to be more about my own self development as it was child development. 

I learned four valuable ideas that I can now use in every relationship I experience: 

1. TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE: This is the ability to accept multiple realities at once and is critical to healthy relationships. Two people interacting bring two sets of needs, perspectives, feelings, and thoughts. Our ability to hold multiple truths at once (ours and someone else) allows both people to feel seen, heard, and safe. 
2. BEHAVIOR IS A WINDOW: Picture this. You are angry and yelling during and argument with your partner. On the surface your behavior is reactive and out of control. But underneath a few things can be happening like un-met needs, emotional pain, or exhaustion. On the surface we see a behavior and underneath we see a person. Behavior is never really the “story” but rather a clue to the bigger story begging to be addressed. 
3. CONNECTION FIRST: Connection first everything else is second. Here is an example: my son not wanting to get in his car seat. Before reacting to this behavior I can connect to him having a hard time instead of forcing him to comply which never works. I can first get calm and check in with myself…Next I am able to connect with him and make sure he is safe.

The biggest takeaway from this book is that parenting is self-development. How we approach parenting revels how we handle emotions and conflict. Every challenging moment is an opportunity to practice.