How to Apologize 101

If you’re reading this, you’re likely an adult. Shockingly, there’s also a high likelihood that you’ve never specifically learned to apologize. 

As far as I can remember, the first time I “learned” how specifically to apologize in a certain type of way was about a year ago. And, let me tell you. It’s a relief to have a thorough plan to get on the same page with someone after a rupture in your relationship. 

This is a practice in humility. 

While, of course, there’s no one way to offer an apology, let’s not let ignorance be the reason to not engage in relationship repair. Here’s one framework that I appreciated from Jason Jaggard, the CEO of Novus Global:

Step 1: Get clear on the broken commitment. This is a mutual process between both parties to find what occurred and what specific the rupture is about. 

Step 2: Explore impact. This is where the “offender” can listen and learn (maybe for the first time) what the impact of the broken commitment had on the other person.

Step 3: Asking for forgiveness. This invitation allows both parties to start fresh and live in a new reality together going into the future rather than take the past into their future. 

Step 4: “What can I do to make this right?” This is where the offender curiously inquires as to what might help get both parties back on a clear working slate together. This is important, in part, because we can’t assume the offender knows what the other party might need. 

I think these four steps are remarkably elegant and powerful in and of themselves. That said, I’d just offer that anyone practicing this notice if and when resistances show up. Apologies usually don’t happen because folks aren’t willing to take the ego hit. This isn’t time to defend or be right. Those are actually great ways to nullify an effort to apologize. 

This is a practice in humility. Give it a go!