Socioemotional Selective Theory

Every little kid growing up has big dreams for their future. At such a young age we have these idealistic goals of becoming something great whether it is an astronaut or a professional athlete or a doctor etc. with little worldly experience and knowledge, we like to plan for the future and fantasize about what we will do in this life. However, the most important aspect of growing up that we fail to think about is what kind of person we will become. Who will our friends be and what kind of person will we marry rarely seem to cross our minds when we are children. I’m not saying we should necessarily think about these things but rather it’s important to note how our priorities evolve with age.

Socioemotional Selective Theory states that as time horizons shrink (as we get older) people become increasingly selective, investing more time and energy into emotionally meaningful goals and activities. This shift in focus occurs because we become hyper-aware that our time on this earth is limited and thus we start to live in the moment rather than dreaming of future accomplishments and goals. It is as if the reality that we will die one day turns our attention to what is going on in our life right now and how we can impact those around us in the best way possible.

This theory is based solely on observation of different age groups but I can definitely see how this shift occurs with the people I observe in my own life. This is why we see people who were once callous and abrasive in their younger years turn into big softies when they get older. Why golf courses around the country are littered with people over the age of 60, just enjoying their life to the fullest. But all this has me thinking, why can’t we integrate both the desire to gain knowledge and achieve lofty goals with the desire to slow down and enjoy the present?

The secret lies within our sense of urgency.

At 26 years old, I have many goals I would like to achieve. It’s these aspirations that encourage me to wake up at 4am almost every day. It’s why I say yes to most opportunities thrown my way and why I try to absorb as much information and knowledge as I possibly can. I find myself thinking about my future more often than I take the time to enjoy the present. But recently I’ve felt the effects of ignoring those around me and my inability to appreciate the life I have and those in it. If I were to die tomorrow, the only thing I would want to do is spend time with those I love and I think most people would feel the same way. Urgency doesn’t mean we always have to move faster but rather it’s an understanding that time is always running out and we need to take the time we have left to appreciate the things and people we care about most.

I think a balance can be found where we are able to pursue our dreams while also taking the time to smell the roses. In fact, if we could all find a way to do both of these interchangeably on a daily basis I could guarantee that we would be better for it. Much easier said than done but like anything it takes effort and awareness. So I urge you to pay close attention to where you are putting your energy and don’t be afraid to make some changes in order to get the most out of your life.

What a life it is.