Tough Feedback on Tough Love

If there’s one thing I’m adamant about when it comes to coaching someone through their first ice bath, it’s that everyone in the surrounding area is bought in on respecting the space surrounding the person in the ice.

Shouting Let’s go! or Don’t be a wimp!, quite simply, is not allowed. I’d like for you to lower the volume of your voice, to sit instead stand (so you’re not towering over your fellow icer) and – perhaps most importantly – to acknowledge that the experience of whoever is in the ice is different than yours, and that it’s their experience to navigate, not yours. In the game of cold exposure adaptation at Breath & Exposure, heightened awareness is as critical as breathing mechanics. 

Tough love: treating/being treated harshly in a way that’s intended to help in the long run. At some point, you’ve experienced this on the sending or receiving end. And while I’ll be the first to admit a deep appreciation for tough love guidance from folks like David Goggins or Tim Grover, I’m here to say to the same degree that tough love is not always a useful option. Often, it’s something that feels good to dish out, but is more hurtful than helpful when it comes to positively impacting the person/people you’re intending to positively impact.

A little homework assignment for you to test out today – audit the efficacy of your support for those around you. Negative feedback is necessary and tough love can be extremely useful. But not to the extent that well-intended words & behavior break down more than build up. 

More strength doesn’t mean more support when it comes to interpersonal connection. I dare you to flex that conscientious muscle & better leverage empathy for the win.