Sculpting Humility: More Commitment

During my sophomore season of college soccer, I went through a period where I seriously considered transferring schools. Even though the season had started out incredible – I had scored two game-winning goals early on, and as a defender(!) – by the end of the season, we had only won five games. An obnoxious winner & sore loser, this was the first time in my life that my immature self had experienced such a losing season, and it derailed me. I spent the tail-end of that season in a perpetual state of rage. 

I was angry at my team, angry at my coach, angry at myself. It was so mad I would often go to the gym after practice to sprint/elliptical/bike my frustration off. Not only that, I was so absurdly unaware of how sour my attitude had become, that it took my dad telling me on the phone one day, “Kimberly, you’ve got to stop being so negative,” to finally wake up. (For all you folks out there that go by nicknames other than what’s on your birth certificate – you know it’s bad when a parent calls you out by your real name!)

I started talking to the University’s sports psychologist. I told her how angry I was, that I wanted a new coach, that I wanted to transfer to a better program, and that I regretted not going to a better school to begin with. With the patience of a saint, she listened.

She told me something about the reptilian brain that seemed important.. but unfortunately, I never remembered. She told me something else about not straddling a line – and that, I’ll always remember. Essentially she said that I needed to choose – to commit to something – and what was it going to be? Staying or going? That sitting on the fence, ruminating and speculating, was doing no good.

It wasn’t too long after a series of weekly meetings with her that I finally made a decision. I decided not to leave the school or my team after all, but to walk-on to the track team. (Betcha didn’t see that coming!) My logic was this: I had recently gone apple picking & the idea had come to me, I couldn’t shake it, and was determined to have another sport to compete in during soccer’s offseason.

If that sounds ridiculous, I know it was. In hindsight, there were certainly pros and cons to this decision, but overall, I’d make the same decision again in a heartbeat.

Why the hell am I sharing this story? Well, I’ve recently been reminded of it, and would argue that the larger theme at play here might very well apply to you, too. Consider the last time you complained about something, or felt a desire for things to be better/different than they currently are. How did you deal with it? Destructive or constructive behavior?

Looking back, deciding to become a two-sport college athlete was the first time in my life that I decided to take on more responsibility, not trade it for less, and in the environment I was already a part of; not needing to go somewhere else. More importantly, it was the first time I realized how expanding my commitments expanded my humility.

I don’t know about you, but that’s a muscle I’d like to keep sculpting for the rest of my life.