Unrelatable Uniqueness vs. Common Conflict

It’s funny that there’s this human tendency to lead with your best parts. Of course, I get it. There’s a million good reasons to appear proficient and accomplished. There are numerous socialized advantages to being perceived as attractive and of particular importance. This, of course, is at the heart of billion dollar industries in materialism, achievement mindsets, and a host of behaviors that the kids would call “flexing”. 

Hear me out. I find that the ways we are “successful” and noteworthy, by their own nature, are unique. You’re saying, “Well, duh, Logan.” Ok, but really, how difficult is it to connect over that which is unique? 

The things that make you great are likely making you great because others don’t have them like you do. You’re uniquely personable or a particularly good story teller. Maybe you’re scary good musically. Yay! Also, I can’t relate.

As someone who coaches folks, I come to find that the things we struggle with and the areas that give us trouble are far more universal, especially when compared to the things that make us great.. Hell, I’d bet your favorite ice cream shop has more flavors than we have macro struggles. Most people’s struggles come from some form of a need for love, a lack of self-awareness, a lack of self-worth, or a worry about being accepted. Ironically, the things we could most commonly connect over are our struggles. This, of course, is specifically the opposite of what people are doing by trying to drive connection with the good stuff all the time.

Take inventory. The winner’s circle bias of your richest relationship connections aren’t likely to be built on your unique strength characteristics, but rather an acceptance and bond that’s inclusive of your struggles. Let’s talk about it.

If you want more connection, quit frontin’. 

Logan Gelbrich

@functionalcoach