3 Steps to Avoid Being Insecure

Growing up is a peculiar process. Confronting odd concepts like learning that your parents are regular people, find one’s place in the world, and navigating authoritarian expectations can be painful processes. What strikes me, still to this day, is how many people are crippled by insecurities well into adulthood.

There’s some assumption, I think, that awkward kids are the insecure ones and that adults naturally grow out of the childhood condition. What I realize today is that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Plenty of well to do, successful adults are painfully affected by stark insecurities.

While everyone must run their own race, here are some key insights into abolishing this horrible mindset:

1. The Growth Mindset. Sitting on the shoulders of Carol Dweck’s research there’s a prevailing understanding that humans generally either perceive their attributes as predestined traits (fixed mindset) or that they are malleable (growth mindset). If you’re stuck with the former, you can imagine the tendency to be stricken with insecurities because as people interact with you they are, (in your fixed mindset) learning the unchangeable truth about you. If you say something stupid, you’re inevitably stupid and the audience has figured you out, for example. A growth mindset believes such feedback just speaks to a moment in time and we are ultimately in control of our destiny and interpretable attributes. With a growth mindset, even if you weren’t extremely intelligent, you could improve your plight with your own actions to educate yourself.

2. Develop a Relationship with Yourself. Many insecurities come from a geographical distance one has between their mind and their true self. If we avoid introspection, big questions, and challenging situations, we’re left with many unknowns. These unknowns are often projected on those around us as awkward tiptoeing insecurities. This manifests largely because we don’t know who we are or how we’ll fair in certain situations. What are the best ways to develop this relationship? Enroll in a challenging rite of passage, turn on your awareness, and never quit. Whether you commit to learning piano, a martial art, or building a business, you’ll know yourself like the back of your hand.

3. Awareness. When we are aware of our surroundings, the systems we’re apart of, and our place in the universe, there is a certain flow and clarity available to us. When the scope of our mental vision shrinks and inhibits our awareness, we can be prone to reclusive, odd behavior. Consider that when you walk into a room and understand the dynamics inside it we have an opportunity express ourselves most authentically. Conversely, when you are looking at life through a straw, it’s easy to be insecure as a result of lack of information about the truth of our environment.

What else do we have if we can’t fully express ourselves? While being insecure is common, it doesn’t need to be normal. Let’s grab the reigns, people.

 

Logan Gelbrich

@functionalcoach