The Shadow of Commitments

Would you blame me if I told you I was committed to doing great work? I’d hope not. Hell, most anyone reading this would agree unequivocally that such a commitment is nothing but good. The truth is that it’s not so simple. 

What if I told you that men and women who are paralyzed by a lack of accountability and follow through and embarrassing levels of procrastination have the aforementioned commitment to blame for their shadowy habit? In fact, this is such a common fault that I feel free to speak in generalities like this. There are other common faults, too, but the point is still the same: there are two sides to our seemingly well-to-do commitments. On one hand, commitments offer us the positively oriented nature of having them and on the other hand they also prevent us from seeing how tethered we are to repeating unhelpful behavior. 

The commitment to being likeable, for example, prevents millions of people from having vulnerable connected relationships. The commitment to being a good leader drives many managers from admitting to their mistakes at work. The commitment to receiving love (versus denying it) is the reason many men and women suffering from obesity are unable to make nutritional lifestyle change (because they’ve come to understand love and food as synonymous in their minds). 

I’m not here telling you to cancel your commitments, but rather I’m asking you to be inquisitive about what might be currently out of view. We make assumptions that lead us to mistakenly believe in pseudo-truths that misguide us in our lives. If you’re curious about why you aren’t able to make whatever specific behavior change you desire in your life I challenge you to curiously ask yourself, “What’s at stake if I make this change?”

With that answer, I’d venture to bet you’ll likely find a what adult psychologists call a hidden competing commitment. Keep in mind, it’s likely noble and good natured, such as being committed to presenting perfect work. It’s here you’ll find an assumption that likely isn’t as true as you believe, like “If I deliver imperfect work I will lose the respect of others.” 

If this is you, here’s a hint. Your assumption likely isn’t true. In fact, there’s likely evidence that your assumption is false if you look hard enough. Breaking your assumption would set you free in ways you currently are caged. 

 

Get curious. 

 

Logan Gelbrich   

@functionalcoach