You Want Grief (I Promise)

Riddle time! What’s the thing that everyone wants that would cause everyone grief? I’ll tell you.

I’ve been fortunate enough to coach either movement or leadership concepts in a dozen countries and I ask every room the same question: “Who here is interested in being further along, more capable, more evolved that you are now?”

Every hand goes up.. Everytime.

I use this observation to make my next point about adult development, which goes on to say that it’s through disconfirming frame breaking experiences and information that grows us. While it’s not my preference, grow process are generally challenging (by definition), difficult, and often uncomfortable. But, there’s more.

Growth comes with loss.

I say that because it’s often our understandable desire to avoid loss (or the feelings associated with loss) that get in the way of our much desired growth. High purpose businesses often don’t grow because they don’t want to give up the intimacy of a startup, for example. People often don’t change their lives or lifestyles because they fear the loss of perceived certainty that comes with not changing. The list could go on forever.

Since everyone raises their hand when I ask if they want to grow, the million dollar next question is, “what loss can you expect if you grow in the ways you want?” Knowing that is a truer understanding of what’s to come if you get what you want than assuming that growth only feels good.

Let’s acknowledge that even the best growth comes with grief. What would you have to grieve in order to grow?